Papa promised you an answer.
I know you want to have a real family, but Papa doesn't want to have anything to do with Mama anymore. This is very hard for Papa to explain,for so many reasons.
Papa may lie to you in your childhood or maybe Papa will give you false hope so you may grow up with some normalcy. For this reason Papa hopes this will be a record when you are old enough to understand. Papa has to be free from Mama because Papa cannot take the madness that comes from Mama. Mergirl, when Papa was with Mama, the average number of days between fights was 3. The longest was 8, which Papa achieved only by staying out of the house every night. On the eight day, Mama was waiting for Papa in the house with a knive and flourescent tubes.
Mama would always find some reason , or failing which, manufacture any reason for a fight. Maybe because she never loved or respected Papa, Papa doesn't know. Or maybe Mama has never known how to love anyone. Papa doesn't know and Papa doesn't care anymore. Papa's feelings died so many times, and each time Papa tried to get up and start anew with Mama, Mama pushed Papa away. You must understand that Papa swallowed Mama's nonsense until one day when Papa realised there are things in this world that one must walk away from, no matter how much it hurts.
Mama would always find some reason , or failing which, manufacture any reason for a fight. Maybe because she never loved or respected Papa, Papa doesn't know. Or maybe Mama has never known how to love anyone. Papa doesn't know and Papa doesn't care anymore. Papa's feelings died so many times, and each time Papa tried to get up and start anew with Mama, Mama pushed Papa away. You must understand that Papa swallowed Mama's nonsense until one day when Papa realised there are things in this world that one must walk away from, no matter how much it hurts.
This was maybe the hardest lesson in Papa's life. Papa still remembers, you had just come out of Kids World in Hartamas Shopping Centre, when Mama pushed Papa away for the last time. Papa in that moment realised that Papa could never accept Mama again. Something in Papa broke, and Papa does not want to come near that memory ever. That was the last time Papa tried to hold Mama. You were just a toddler then.
Papa loves you very much but Papa doesn't know how to give you a family with Mama. Papa doesn't know how to say this, but Mama is a very sick person in her head and in her heart. Mama will never let Papa go, Mama just wants to hurt Papa for the rerst of his life. Papa has carried this pain for a long time, and Papa just doesn't know how to handle Mama . Papa doesn't even know how to get Mama to acknowledge Papa's existence.
For the whole of this week Papa has tried to get Mama to say "yes" to your dance lessons. Mama does not pick up the phone, Mama does not answer any sms. Papa didn't do anything at all to provoke Mama. Mama is one crazy woman, thats all.
Papa will go off on a unrelated topic here. Cannot rant so much....Papa has also smsed and tried calling today to let Mama see the Thunderbirds air show on Saturday. They come to Malaysia every ten years. Papa saw the planes flying, from an aerospace company rooftop nearby the Subang TUDM runway. Papa shot some trial shots with a Canon 30d , but only at the very end apa only realised the camera was set at the low resolution setting .... Sheesh.
SO all in Papa saw 2 Sukhoi SU-30s , which are really big and noisy, doing stunts in the air. Papa also saw 6 F-16s in the thunderbird livery, of course Papa also saw their close formation flying.
Never mind, Papa will be there tomorrow inside the RMAF base (actually at the driving range of the KRTU (Kelab Rekreasi Tentera Utara) as it is the highest point around- Papa is smart, once in a while). Papa doesn't know if Mama will let you come with Papa. Probably not. Papa wishes Mama would follow us too, since Papa and you have so much fun and love together. Papa wishes Mama can see that she does not have to be animal, she can be human. Papa would like this very much.
Maybe Mama in a misguided way, does not want a happy childhood for you with Papa. Papa thinks Mama is actually lost as a person without Papa, because she keeps doing destructive things that impact on everyone. Papa has a sneaking suspicion that in Mama's twisted head, she is competing with you for Papa. Everytime Papa tries to do something good for you, Mama will "shut=down" and disappear. And then all of Papa's plans come to nought. Papa is very tired and will stop here now.
SO all in Papa saw 2 Sukhoi SU-30s , which are really big and noisy, doing stunts in the air. Papa also saw 6 F-16s in the thunderbird livery, of course Papa also saw their close formation flying.
Never mind, Papa will be there tomorrow inside the RMAF base (actually at the driving range of the KRTU (Kelab Rekreasi Tentera Utara) as it is the highest point around- Papa is smart, once in a while). Papa doesn't know if Mama will let you come with Papa. Probably not. Papa wishes Mama would follow us too, since Papa and you have so much fun and love together. Papa wishes Mama can see that she does not have to be animal, she can be human. Papa would like this very much.
Maybe Mama in a misguided way, does not want a happy childhood for you with Papa. Papa thinks Mama is actually lost as a person without Papa, because she keeps doing destructive things that impact on everyone. Papa has a sneaking suspicion that in Mama's twisted head, she is competing with you for Papa. Everytime Papa tries to do something good for you, Mama will "shut=down" and disappear. And then all of Papa's plans come to nought. Papa is very tired and will stop here now.
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